The Problem of Our Masturbating Men

In our modern society no subject is taboo: NAMBLA, 4chan, innumerable porn sites (often credited for getting the internet off the ground in the first place). If it exists, and especially if it's subversive, it's got a home on the interwebz. Or so one would think. As the previous blog points out, however, there are some subjects that haven't received the appropriate attention on our worldwide web. 

The subject I want to explore, mainly because I haven't seen any credible online articles addressing it, is the problem that women have with their men masturbating (without them). And if you are a woman and deny that you care or take issue with your dude spanking it behind your back, you're either a fucking liar or the exception to the rule. Either way, go be smug and superior at another site. We don't take kindly to your type around here.

Let's jump right in, shall we?


I am a woman. I got a dude. Sometimes he takes care of his own business. And, no matter how enlightened I try to be about it, it bothers me. 


Yesterday, I "surprised" him by walking in on him pregame. It was a sticky situation. (obligatory rim shot)


Thankfully (for us both), I've gained some perspective on this and had a mild reaction compared to the ones I've had in the past, which involved flying objects and intense self-doubting. I was only a bit annoyed and...let's dispense with the camouflaged truth and say it: threatened. 


Ridiculous? Yes. Arguable? No.


This led me to a train of thought, I know I shouldn't feel threatened by my husband's hand. It's not logical. So, why then, am I? There was only one conclusion left to draw: this must have some primal ties. And so, off to Google I went. My hypothesis, at the time, was to try to find some scientific data that explored this topic and explained the basis for my feelings (in the vain hope of trying to defuse them). 

Of course, I had no such luck. The best site I found (in other words, the first one I found that related to the subject matter - because I'm a lazy-ass) was this: 

My Boyfriend Masturbates and it Bothers Me


  
The original question and answer are white bread, but the responses...whoa, Nelly! While, there are a few reasonable posts on the thread, the others are a showcase of just how crazy women can be. Also, there are many suspect women claiming that they have sex way more often than they do, which is just pathetic. Lying to justify their insanity is just one of the horrifying tactics used in this full-on assault of both men and reason.  


Because I'm impatient and ready to move on to a more passive activity (and I assume you probably are too) I'm going to copy-paste my own post from this site. You can take your judgements and shove 'em. This is only a blog, after all.

Only about 3 posts to this original thread had rational, insightful things to say on the subject [frightening]. I was actually reading some of the other ones aloud to my husband because they were so ridiculous.

I think it's important to point out what a lot of women are doing here (except for obviously problematic situations, i.e.: masturbating to a picture of a person you know, masturbating so much that you are unable to perform with your partner, foregoing sex for masturbation on a constant basis. These are situations that aren't applicable to what I'm about to say.). They have a negative reaction about their guy masturbating. I've found this to be quite common with women. However, instead of choosing a rational reaction, they choose to soothe their own hurt ego at their mate's expense. This, inevitably, deteriorates the relationship. Doesn't fix a thing, no matter how "right" you think you might be.

I'm also married (12 years). We have a great relationship and a healthy sex life. Here's the thing with us and the whole masturbation "issue". When I was young and this came up with my husband, I responded similarly to some of the other females on this thread. I felt hurt and somehow betrayed at the time. I shared this with my husband. His response to this? He felt so guilty about masturbating without me that he practically stopped it altogether. (He still has issues with it because of my immature reaction and the fact that he really cares about my feelings.) Now that I've somewhat reconciled myself with it, when I tell him to go do it ("give him permission," in crazy-lady talk) he has issues with it. So, now - ironically - the full sexual burden is on me.

Here's how I see it now, the bigger picture: Women, in general, have this issue. It's probably been naturally selected for over many, many generations because it seems to be a primal kind of response. It makes sense to me that women probably saw it as a waste of baby-making material. There's certainly a sense of possession imbedded in my own feelings that seems to point to this. It doesn't have to be rational or relevant to how we feel NOW.

But, it does. Because we're human. We've got to rationalize our emotions.

I think the real key here is to reconcile our primal urges/reactions with our hard-earned logic. Don't displace your feelings and dehumanize the men you care about just because they masturbate! And, do NOT use the fact that you don't do it as a weapon against them. It's normal and healthy to do it. Whether you choose to is your bailiwick.

I see it like this: when my husband and I met, we were already in a relationship with ourselves. Think of it like bigamy, if you like - with the relationship with our "selves" predating our current one by decades in some cases. You got to accept it going in.

Does all of this mean that I like my husband masturbating? No. But, that's okay. I accept that it's healthy and continue to work on my own reaction to it. After all, I masturbate just like him and somehow he isn't upset by it in the least.

Get some perspective, gals. Sometimes it's us that need to adjust.

 And that's all I have to say about that.