I've had this thing with sleep, going back to the womb, maybe. I fight it, just like an infant does. I don't have kids, but I've seen them before. They do this.
Even when I'm sleepy, which happens normally only in the midpoint of my day, I just have this childlike tendency to be abhorrent of getting into the bed. Even now only a good book will entice me back there. I'm sure it's got some psychological roots: perhaps I haven't produced enough to surrender the day; or maybe I haven't hit some peek--as in with drinking one might have a tendency to drink until drunk or else the entire enterprise was a waste.
Whatever it is, it sucks. I get this fucked up sleeping schedule that doesn't align with what I'd prefer. It's probably my natural circadian rhythm, but I'm human so I have an intrinsic need to manipulate myself and my surrounding until all the natural is blotted out.
I've tried a few things to fix this sleep schedule: sleep therapy (wherein a jobless/work-at-home person tries various techniques of fucking with the sleep schedule, such as going to sleep 2 hours later each day until you've get the clock back round to where you want it and you're too exhausted to fight it), over-the-counter sleep aids, teas, valerian root extract, holy basil extract, you name it.
Luckily for me, I've found out about ethnobotanicals in a more profound sense. There's something so exciting and alluring about them. Actually, a few things:
1 They're legal
2 They're natural
3 They're mysterious
4 They're fun to fuck around with; like being a dime-store pharmacist.
So that's what I'm going to do tonight: blend valerian, kava kava, and holy basil.
It could be that it has no effect. Another issue I face is that I have an extraordinarily high tolerance to almost all things except caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol. So I have to take a lot of whatever to achieve...whatever...effect. I'll try this and up the ante each night until I find the right amount and right combo and then--well, I'll probably have to up it again considering the fact that my body will impose a whole other set of tolerances in response.
I plan on updating this blog with the results. So until then, good night and sweet dreams and all the rest of that shit.
