In the 18th century, it was commonplace for banks to give their customers a porcelain "borrower's tile" that had their name, credit limit, etc.written on it. Sound familiar? Well, do you remember in the 80's when store clerks would cut up credit cards when they were declined? (That's pretty fucked up now that I think about it. Kind of humiliating and unnecessary. Is it just me?) As it happened, the bankers, when presented with a tile and having found that customer's credit maxed out, broke their tile.
Way Lamer
Yes. Cracked.com is a fantastic site.
So, all of my borrower's tiles are broken. That's the point. I wanted to bitch, rant, rave, whine, and prattle on about it to a vague audience - instead of wallowing in self-pity internally, playing Final Fantasy X all day (or God forbid - the worst of all) journal about it. [Shudder] But, before I got back to all that, I decided to totally let loose of my pride, much the way the sphincter "decides" to let loose after a night (or day) of poison-imbibing, and cyber-beg.
Before I get to that, however, let me make it clear that I'm not just needing some money to get booze - even though I'd really like that, too. No, no. I've left that dream miles back in the dust. We're at a whole new level here:
- I've made an appointment to try to get food stamps for tomorrow.
- I'm out of change.
- Out of books, CDs, and DVDs to sell.
- Out of things to pawn (in fact, on the 29th, I'm going to lose a guitar & typewriter to the Pawn God).
- My husband's unemployment might be coming in a few days, but it'll barely cover utilities and cell phone/internet.
- Last, but not least, we're out of family charity.
So, yeah. Not having any presents to give/get on Christmas wasn't a big deal because my husband and I are agnostic - or so we tell ourselves. I'm even going to survive a presentless birthday on the 30th. But, not having food to eat except for beans, expired eggnog, and questionable meat from the back of the freezer - justifies such depravity.
After an unprecedented Google search time of 15 minutes (except for finding those badass pictures of "borrower's tiles" I planned to use to make into coasters to make umpteen zillion dollars - that took at least an hour and I still came up empty), I was actually able to find a reputable site for begging for money. All of the other ones...get this: COST MONEY. Fuck me.
This is what I found: http://www.beggingmoney.com/ It's not fancy, but it's legitimate.
Before I could decide whether this site was for realz or not, I had to peruse it. There were some typical "Woe is me. I've got kids and medical problems and shit" people. Most stories/pleas were grammatically treacherous, which meant they lost my empathy immediately. And, there was one that was downright ridiculous: "My birthday's coming up. I never do anything for it. Can you lend me $750 for rental for a room for a party? I'll pay you back." But, hey - that's the beauty of the site. Someone might want to. Fuck it.
In contrast, there was a post that made me really want to donate some funds. Not because the guy was the most pathetic or neediest, but ...well, you read this excerpt:
http://www.beggingmoney.com/search?updated-max=2011-12-23T13:34:00-08:00&max-results=5Honestly, I know that I'm probably not as needy as most of the folks here but with jobs being sparse and no car to take me further than walking distance I don't foresee my savings lasting me
til I am able to find something. I'm making bits and pieces from an online job but its roughly 100 dollars per 2 weeks. Not enough to pay bills just groceries. I'm not asking for anything ridiculous, but anything that will help me minimize getting behind would be great. Again if you are looking to give a lot find someone who is in more need than me, but if you can only spare a little I would be very thankful, and hopefully in time I can pass it forward.
In case you want to give that guy money, he's the last post on the link above or somewhere close to it (my posting could change the order once/if it's posted). Look for him if you really want to give - it'll take a few extra clicks if you can't first find him. No big deal.)
On the other hand, you could give to me. Hell, if you're made of money you could donate to both of us. (But...my donate button is right here. Less effort. Right?)
Now that I've shit the bed, what the hell was I saying? I don't know. Maybe that was the whole point. But it just don't feel right leaving things that way. So, let me spout out some general nonsense that's pinballing around in the ol' skull.
What I really should be doing (but can't/won't) is finishing my book (Chronicles of a Wasted Life). I know the idea of a person being a writer (especially one writing a memoir, planning on publishing it, and expecting it to do okay) has a tendency to turn the stomach, give goosebumps, elicit an eye roll. Believe me, I know. It takes a certain arrogance of mind (or ignorance) to even consider it. Maybe that's why I do it so seldom. After all, you kind of have to create a home inside yourself - a place where it's safe; a place where you can tell yourself that the shit you write, or are thinking about writing, is somehow valuable. Or maybe the key is to set aside all that diarrhea mind-speak altogether. Either way, the human torch was denied a bank loan.
Also, I'm pathetic and need automatic feedback. Or at least the potential for it. Thankfully, I'm not unique in that way, which lends some comfort. Hence the innumerable blogs. (You have to hear in your mind the word "blog" spoken the same way so many people in my area say "Obama". Like a dog regurgitating the cat(?) diarrhea he ate earlier.) -An aside here, I just want to personally thank Werner Herzog, the director of Grizzly Man, for both encouraging the idea that wild animal lovers are all outrageous morons and ruining part of my favorite movie, Anchorman - "I read somewhere their periods attract bears." It will never be the same.
I'm just going to wrap up this train-wreck of a blog with this:
Which I can't embed (thanks Blogger or old-ass laptop for being lame-o!)
And this further debasement.
Seriously, if you could give even $1 to help me achieve the dream:
Happy Holidays!
